How Not To Train Up A Child
My Mom told me about this segment on 20/20 that she saw about Independent Fundamental Baptist churches and some of the scandal that has been associated with them. The church is a very rigid, literal interpretation of the Bible that places the husband as the leader and the wife in a submissive role. From what was described in the program, the church isolates people from family and friends who are not part of this belief and that isolation creates opportunity for behavior to go unquestioned because everything the pastor does not agree with is considered against God or the person is made to feel ashamed for their behavior. Part of the scandal being exposed involves the practice of spanking children to break their will and make them obedient. I was alarmed when I watched the segment and heard one former member mention that parents were instructed to start spanking their babies as young as 2 weeks old! Some believe that even babies that young are asserting their will by crying.
I looked up this book that was mentioned as one of the books recommended by the IFB church for childrearing, To Train Up A Child. The book's synopsis claims that the premise for the book is based on the Bible verse from Proverbs, "Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." My heart broke when I read some reviews of this book and all of them describe the book as telling parents that they need to literally whip their children into submission. Parents are instructed to whip their children when they are not happy and joyful and that anytime a child is not obedient, they should be whipped. One reviewer even mentioned that this book recommends pulling the hair if a nursing baby is not nursing correctly. I haven't read the book myself, so I am just going by the reviewers, but that is scarey. I am not big on talking about my faith, I am an Episcopalian, after all :), but the God that I believe in would not support that as a way to raise a child.
Aaron and I have chosen not to spank and have focused on looking for other ways to teach Sarah Graves boundaries that do not involve hitting her. I don't think that all spanking is child abuse, but I do struggle with telling my child not to hit and hitting her when she does. It just doesn't work for me logically and I don't think I would follow through with it. I have mostly been focused on how to talk to Sarah Graves in a way that avoids confrontation, yet clearly establishes for her what is or is not acceptable in our house. The parenting class that we took a few months ago exposed me to a different way of speaking to a child and it is going to take a lot of work, but I want to learn to speak to her that way. Sometime I will post about the books that I bought and what I have learned so far.
I looked up this book that was mentioned as one of the books recommended by the IFB church for childrearing, To Train Up A Child. The book's synopsis claims that the premise for the book is based on the Bible verse from Proverbs, "Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." My heart broke when I read some reviews of this book and all of them describe the book as telling parents that they need to literally whip their children into submission. Parents are instructed to whip their children when they are not happy and joyful and that anytime a child is not obedient, they should be whipped. One reviewer even mentioned that this book recommends pulling the hair if a nursing baby is not nursing correctly. I haven't read the book myself, so I am just going by the reviewers, but that is scarey. I am not big on talking about my faith, I am an Episcopalian, after all :), but the God that I believe in would not support that as a way to raise a child.
Aaron and I have chosen not to spank and have focused on looking for other ways to teach Sarah Graves boundaries that do not involve hitting her. I don't think that all spanking is child abuse, but I do struggle with telling my child not to hit and hitting her when she does. It just doesn't work for me logically and I don't think I would follow through with it. I have mostly been focused on how to talk to Sarah Graves in a way that avoids confrontation, yet clearly establishes for her what is or is not acceptable in our house. The parenting class that we took a few months ago exposed me to a different way of speaking to a child and it is going to take a lot of work, but I want to learn to speak to her that way. Sometime I will post about the books that I bought and what I have learned so far.
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