The End
I made the decision that today would be the first day I wouldn't pump at work. I feel really guilty quitting pumping because I know that my milk is the best thing for her. On the other hand, it made me feel stressed worrying about my dwindling supply and finding time in my day to go pump. In the end, it was my choice to stop. She has to have something to tell her therapist about, after all.
Physically, I was just fine today. Emotionally, I felt like leaving my pump at home was like going to work without a friend. My time to pump was also my time to take a break during my busy day. It was my time to relax for a few minutes and just be. It was also a time when I felt like I was doing something really good for my baby that no one else could do for her.
No one could have ever made me understand how torn I would feel as a mother. I am constantly feeling pulled in different directions. Of course, no one ever made me understand that the love you feel as a mother is exponentially more than ever before, either. I'll take the tug at my heart as I work straight through the afternoon if it means leaving on time to get home and see that baby barreling at me with both arms out ready to be with me.
I gave up pumping, but we aren't giving up nursing all together. She still nurses in the mornings and at bedtime. She has been nursing for a few minutes during the day on the weekends, but that may no longer be satisfying to her now that I'm not pumping during the week. We both love her gentle wake-up in the morning, so I won't ask her to stop that now.
Physically, I was just fine today. Emotionally, I felt like leaving my pump at home was like going to work without a friend. My time to pump was also my time to take a break during my busy day. It was my time to relax for a few minutes and just be. It was also a time when I felt like I was doing something really good for my baby that no one else could do for her.
No one could have ever made me understand how torn I would feel as a mother. I am constantly feeling pulled in different directions. Of course, no one ever made me understand that the love you feel as a mother is exponentially more than ever before, either. I'll take the tug at my heart as I work straight through the afternoon if it means leaving on time to get home and see that baby barreling at me with both arms out ready to be with me.
I gave up pumping, but we aren't giving up nursing all together. She still nurses in the mornings and at bedtime. She has been nursing for a few minutes during the day on the weekends, but that may no longer be satisfying to her now that I'm not pumping during the week. We both love her gentle wake-up in the morning, so I won't ask her to stop that now.
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