The Growing Caldwell Family

 Charlie loves these practical joke items. Actually, both kids enjoy them. I frequently find a rubber roach where I least expect it or hear someone cry out for help that they hurt their finger! One day I will miss this silliness and seeing their joy at alarming me to some crazy incident they made up!

When it was time to go to the tree lighting, Charlie first said he didn't feel well. Aaron and I tried to talk him into going but he didn't want to, so I told Aaron and SG to go on without us. As soon as they left, he started to cry. He cried and cried. He tried to say it was my fault, then he said that he did want to go, then he cried about a bad day at school, and everything else. He went on and on for over an hour. I tried as best I could to listen to all his feelings, but at time my patience ran thin and I needed to walk away. Finally, we made fish sticks for him to eat for dinner. After eating 12, yes 12, fish sticks, he decided he was really hungry before and that was why he said he didn't want to go! We talked about how it is good to talk about how you are feeling rather than letting something like being hungry cause you to make a bad choice. We were going to eat before the tree lighting and I thought we explained that, but could have reiterated it if we knew he was...

This sweet girl and I have been at odds lately and just haven’t connected. We’ve had fun together, but then are quickly at odds. She wants independence but is still a little girl. That tug of war inside of her leads her to lash out and often I am the target. In a way it is flattering that she feels safe to yell and be her worst with me, but it is also hurtful and leaves me angry.   I helped her make bath bombs, we laughed, we talked, and she shared things. I left her room after tucking her in feeling light and happy, the way you do after time with a good friend. I pray that one day she will look forward to spending time with me as her friend.

We had Livy over to play. We haven't spent as much time with her lately and the kids were excited to see her!  Charlie and Livy enjoyed playing with Legos together. These two get along very well and enjoy each other. I didn't get any pictures (oops!), but Sarah Graves and Livy really had fun playing dolls together. So much so that Charlie, who is used to having Livy to himself, felt very left out. He and I had to have some talks and finally he used words to let the girls know he felt left out and they found a way to add him to their play! So happy for Sarah Graves that she was connecting with Livy since she often feels left out and so happy for Charlie to find it in himself to describe how he felt and not just go after destroying their play. They are definitely growing up!

After a busy afternoon having fun seeing the movie Inside Out and running errands, Charlie lost his ability to listen well and I lost my patience. I yelled, I fussed, and he cried, tantrumed, and acted out. Picture me chasing him down in a store and grabbing him under my arm as he cried and thrashed all the way out to the car. It wasn't fun. When we finally made it home, I was frustrated and really didn't want to spend the rest of the evening arguing with kids. I decided the best way to get us back on track would be to find a way to play and let Charlie regain some of the control he had been seeking during our errands. I was also hot and thought playing in the water would be good for all of us. Charlie was super excited for the play! He eagerly helped to fill the baby pool and got Sissy to come out with us! Our play time did just what I hoped it would do. The kids and I connected in a positive way, we laughed, and Charlie got to be the leader in the play. H...

Sarah Graves was at Little Apron for 3 years. We decided to move her to a camp at Charlie's school, Buckhead Prep, for the summer. To celebrate our last week with her at my office, we had lunch together every day. I love the big girl she is becoming. We have good talks and had a chance to discuss all the changes that happen when the school year ends and friends start to go different ways. Big stuff for a 5 year old, but she took it all in stride. Now I am the one feeling sad she isn't there to ride into work with me every morning. It has been lonely like when I came back to work after maternity leave. I have been so used to having her with me. Parenting is all about adapting to change.

I have posted before about  Hand in Hand Parenting  and particularly how helpful the notion of  staylistening  has been.  Another major component of their parenting method is setting healthy limits. Setting limits in their parenting style means limits are set reasonably and in a warm, loving way that offers the child connection.  It isn't done out of anger or with the intent to humiliate a child.  Rather, limits are intended to be a way to guide a child back onto the correct path.  A child who is feeling connected will be able to think well and accept the limit.  A child who is feeling very disconnected may have serious trouble thinking well and will respond with strong emotion to the smallest limit. Sometimes a child is off track and doing things to signal that he/she needs help.  In those times a limit being set may trigger the release of feelings that seem much larger than the situation would appear to require.  For instance, o...

I have been taking a wonderful class through Hand in Hand Parenting, Building Emotional Understanding.  The class is done over the phone once a week and the materials are provided online as video segments and reading materials.  It is a great way to do a class for a busy momma!  There are five of us from all over in the class.  We have Singapore, Australia, Boston, L.A., Wyoming, and me in Atlanta. I have been gathering some wonderful insights that help me to recognize some things about Sarah Graves' behavior and a bit about Charlie, too.  The class is focused on teaching three tools, Staylistening, Limits, and Playlistening.  At the core of it all is maintaining connection with your child.  I like that their tools pair nicely with the things I have read and liked from people like Alfie Kohn and Hiam Guinott. One thing that I have been able to recognize is that Sarah Graves has been the most challenging during times when she likely felt very disconne...

Just to give fair warning, this post is long.  I have written before about my journey as a parent to find a way to establish boundaries and discipline in a way that feels right, shows my children respect, and leaves them with their dignity.  I think I post about this so that when my children reach the age where they need therapy, they can go with their printed blog books in hand and it can assist said therapist in identifying where it all went awry! About six weeks ago we were in various stages of wellness at our house and I had the realization that my three year old had a negative attitude toward most things and was having highly emotional tantrums all too frequently.  Easter Sunday was probably the worst since I felt I had done so much to make it a fun morning and a smooth transition to church and suddenly there was a huge meltdown over getting dressed for church and I fell apart.  I yelled loudly and I failed to put my own frustration aside and be the parent tha...

Over the past couple of years I haven't known what to call our style of parenting.  I saw the term attachment parenting used, but I always linked it with a type of parenting that I couldn't do.  You know, one who wouldn't consider using a crib, practices elimination communication, would never feed their child fast food, etc.  Mayim Bialik is probably one of the best known advocates for attachment parenting and I sort of thought that many of the things she does were part of it as well. Then I came across Attachment Parenting International's page on Facebook, and my eyes were opened to what the term attachment parenting really means. I recently found this article on their page and I thought it nicely describes the core of attachment parenting and that is exactly what we are aiming for. Are you an "Attachment Parent"? Some of you would answer that question with an emphatic "Yes!" But some of you might repeat the question to yourself and say, ...

Parenting is not easy and the older Sarah Graves gets, the more I realize how hard it is.  We struggle with things that I think are typical of toddlers: establishing her independence, pushing boundaries, two-year-old immaturity...the list goes on.    There are times when I don't like to be around her, like when she is in such a bad place crying and screaming.  Sometimes I realize there is no way we can go out and have a good time, but rather need to stay home and help her work through what she is feeling.  Yeah, that's the part of being a parent that isn't so fun and it's hard not to feel frustrated.  Those are the moments when a part of me wants to run!  Then, I offer that screaming, crying, little girl a hug and feel that wet face against my cheek and I am filled with so much love for her that I don't know what to do. I think what makes it seem really difficult is that we have chosen to parent in a way different from many around us and I frequ...

Being two is a lot of fun and also hard.  I don't think anyone realizes how hard except maybe the momma who seems to bear the brunt of the frustrations.  I have posted before about our efforts to use unconditional parenting and I recently came across this post on a website related to child care and thought that it very nicely described a lot of the things that she is going through. If toddlers could share their thoughts on discipline, here’s what I think they’d say… 1.  Make me your ally . Don’t think in terms of “getting me to do” something. Don’t trick, bribe, shame or punish me. “You against me” is scary when I desperately need you on my side. So, please tell me politely or show me what you want. And stop me kindly (but definitively) from doing things you  don’t  want, way before you get mad.  Your calm demeanor and the positive options you give me (“I see you’re playing, so would you like to come in to change your diaper now or after you play for ...

We had a fun weekend and I hope to download the pictures soon, but until then, I had some informational updates that I wanted to share.  Wal-Mart is going to start carrying a cloth diaper system in select stores.  Mabu Naturals International makes a line of cloth diapers that are made from bamboo, charcoal, and recycled plastic  bottles.  This diaper has an outer shell and a reusable fabric insert or a disposable insert can be attached.  I didn't see price information on the website, but they claim these cost 20-50% less than other cloth diaper systems and a family can save $50 a month compared to buying disposable.  After reading some blog posts about this it sounds like people are excited about this for the convenience of buying cloth diapers at a big box store, more families hearing about cloth diapering, and these diapers are made of really environmentally friendly products.  The concerns seem to be t...

My Mom told me about this segment on 20/20 that she saw about Independent Fundamental Baptist churches and some of the scandal that has been associated with them.  The church is a very rigid, literal interpretation of the Bible that places the husband as the leader and the wife in a submissive role.  From what was described in the program, the church isolates people from family and friends who are not part of this belief and that isolation creates opportunity for behavior to go unquestioned because everything the pastor does not agree with is considered against God or the person is made to feel ashamed for their behavior.  Part of the scandal being exposed involves the practice of spanking children to break their will and make them obedient.  I was alarmed when I watched the segment and heard one former member mention that parents were instructed to start spanking their babies as young as 2 weeks old!  Some believe that even babies that young are...

Just a warning, this post sort of rambles and may be more for my own benefit.  Last Sunday, we went to a class to learn about parenting an older baby.  I arranged for mom to come with us since she spends a lot of time with Sarah Graves and I wanted us to all be on the same page.  There were two other couples attending the class.  One family has an eighteen-month old boy and the other has an almost two-year old boy.  At one point during the class, the question was asked whether we had any tips we would share that helped us get our little ones to sleep.  I am always happy to share what I have read and learned along the way, so I volunteered information on how we sleep trained Sarah Graves.  Like me, mom was more than willing to share what we researched and learned.  The conversation that followed is still nagging at me over a week later.  Clearly, I hit a nerve with my information because one mom immediately went to crying (I mean bawl...

Aaron and I both love to read and choose to quite often.  When I was early in the pregnancy we caught an infomercial on TV for the Your Baby Can Read program.  I was fascinated by it and described it to my Mom who watched the TV spot about it.  We sort of got busy with learning about childbirth and forgot about the reading program.  Then, we remembered it about a month ago and started doing more research on it.  It seems that the idea of teaching babies and very young children to read has been around for quite some time and in the 60's it was put into a formal program.  Dr. Glen Doman is one of the founders of the program and has written books on ths.  He and his colleagues actually discovered that young children can learn to read easily while doing work with brain injured children.  You can learn more about his philosophy and products by going to this site .  Once Mom and I started reading about his program, we realized that we didn't need ...